Today, last year, I was halfway across the world in Emirates Airlines. My flight was in the evening and the stopover was in Dubai, and continued to Stockholm. I was excited and nervous at the same time to leave my country, my home, my family.
Tomorrow, last year, I arrived in Stockholm. 1 June 2017.
In this one year, I have experienced so much things that I never thought it was possible. The feeling of excitement to be in a new place. I experienced summer for the first time. It was still cold for me. I went to theater parks, outdoor movie, ate strawberries, visited all of the free museums.
Then, it was autumn. I started studying Swedish. Gosh, it was such a headache! I don't miss that moment. I am so glad to get over that learning phase. I am in my next course to study Swedish now. I can speak but writing is still a challenge.
Winter came. I built a snowman! Did a snowangel too. Skied and skated. What a dream! I got accepted into a job employment program to look for an internship. I started my internship in March. It was still winter. It will end in 2 weeks time. I got an internship in an international consultancy firm because you just need one person to believe that you are capable although your Swedish is not at a work-proficiency level. You just need one person to see beyond your language handicap and background differences. And when that one person says 'Yes, let's have her because diversity is crucial' - it opens the door for you to a whole new world. A Swedish working world. For that, I will always be thankful to her. The working culture here is different from Malaysia. I was lucky to experience a open work landscape where one can sits wherever they wish. You have your own locker. You have to ensure that you leave the table clean for the next one to use. You are given a mobile and a laptop. The table is adjustable i.e. it can be moved up and down. The employees have access to office utensils. Trust is high here. You don't have to feel inferior with your bosses. You can speak to them anytime. When I started my internship, I met with the CEO, partners, directors and senior managers in one week. I was shocked that this was possible. Everyone speaks in Swedish and they can of course, speak English too, but I needed them to speak to me in Swedish. It was an overwhelming Swedish environment for the first 2 weeks but I survived it.
Spring started in May and it lasted for just 2 weeks, as it was too warm to be considered as spring. I saw cherry blossoms. So pretty.
It is summer again. I have experienced one year of 4 seasons.
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In all these excitement, there were sadness too. I missed my family. I missed hanging out with my nieces. I worried if they will forget me. I missed Malaysian weather, my car, the convenience of going out to buy food, cheap food, slippers, shorts, running, pole dancing, friends and speaking the Malaysian way.
I did not have any friends here. I made friends in school but it was just different.
I missed working. I was excited to not work for a while being away from the work pressure but I got bored after a while. I wanted to work again and get my financial independence back. It was difficult to find a job in Sweden. I sent so many job applications and got rejected in most of them if they replied. I have never sent so many job applications in my life and I got upset and disappointed. I knew the reason was due to my language barrier. I have seen videos and read on how difficult it is for Asians to get a job in Sweden. I did not believe it, but when I kept getting rejections after rejections, I began to believe in them. Employers here would not dare to hire a foreigner. They are more willing to hire Europeans or Americans. Will this mentality ever change?
While I was excited to learn Swedish, I was pushing myself to learn it as quickly as possible because I want to be able to work again and not hear the reason I am not being hired was due to my language incapability. I was stressing myself till I felt angry on how unfair this was. How I was being judged based on my language skills and not my actual competencies. How my working experience in Malaysia does not make any difference in my resume. But I could not do anything. I had to start from the bottom again.
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I don't know what holds in the coming years, but I know that I am more prepared than I was one year ago. I am more confident when I could speak and understand Swedish. Understanding the country's language is definitely the most important thing one should attempt to do. I have gradually blended into the country's environment.
I am grateful to be given a chance to experience a new country. I moved and took a chance into my relationship so that I don't live in regrets. While my relationship has its ups and downs, I tried to understand and while sometimes it has not been easy due to many differences, I can still write in my post today that it has been a worthwhile journey.
Thank you, Sweden for this amazing one year. You have been a real roller-coaster!
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