Stronger today

I have lived in Sweden for almost 7 years now. 

Today, I am a very different person that I was before I moved here. Before I moved, I was a different person after a family incident. 

Tough and uncomfortable situations mould and can remould a person. A person's personality is so fluid that you can adapt and be a new person. 

Last year, I turned 40.  

Suddenly, I stopped giving a shit of how people treat and think of me and I set my boundaries by not allocating time for people who gives me bad energy and makes me feel lousy. During the last 6 years, it was mentally and emotionally draining for me. First, it was the longing for the sense of belonging and I was very lonely but I was different from the persons I tried to connect with. We are adults and everyone has their own personality so it is difficult to adapt to new persons compared to being a teenager where you are still getting to know yourself. Second, when I tried to network because it is so important here to get a job, I was suffocating inside because the network did not continue the contact or end with 'let's meet up again' but it never happened or I was invisible to the network the next day at work when I thought we had a good chat the day before. It made me wondered - What is wrong with me? Did I offend them? Do I sound weird? Maybe we did not have a good chat. 

There is no third. These two points has made me finally put things to a stop. 

I wished I had the courage to set boundaries earlier so I did not have to carry these heavy emotions for so long. I have been tired for a very long time.

When someone here asks 'how are you' as they usually start their conversation, you are not expected to say 'it has been tough'. I know it is just being socially polite although I think it is not necessary. It is fake. This is the society's norm here, and I think it is also okay to not follow that norm. I ask 'how are you' if someone asks me because it is expected as a response. But when I initiate the question, it is because I genuinely care for the person and I listen. 

Today, I do not bother of how I am being treated. I enjoy my space and my own company. I set plans for my own priority. I do not give a second chance to people who do not respond the first time. 

It is well-known that Sweden has an integration problem and I went through it, experienced it and survived it. 

I may experience episodes of emotional and mental turmoil in the future but I know I will survive it. I am supposed to be hardened by experiences that do not kill me but I am still human. However, I am very much better than I was in the last 6 years. 

I can share without feeling ashamed and bitter. 

I can smile today. :)